Ah Nerd Violence
by Kilala Fae
Summary: what happens when the biology team gets their way....
1. Peer Pressure

Ahhh…….Nerd Violence

(Disclaimer: Kurama, Yuusuke, Keiko, Hiei, Koema, and Kuwabara do not belong to us, but the Bio Team does! If these characters did then I would be making episodes, not fanfics)

Peer Pressure:

Kurama woke up and sighed. He was starting to dread going to school. The Biology Team was getting more and more persistent with their pleas to get him on the team. They had taken to bugging him before school, during lunch, after school, and sometimes even on the weekends. His excuse was always that he was busy, but the Biology Team was starting to not believe him.

As Kurama was eating breakfast, an idea struck him. Hell, it might even be fun to watch the team scramble and try to make heads and tails of his notebook. For the first time since the team had started bugging him, he was actually looking forward to school. This was truly going to be an interesting day. With a smirk on his face he walked into his classroom.

As usual, the Bio Team surrounded him as soon he entered the room. And, as usual, he said he was busy. Just as he was starting to contemplate if hitting them would do any good and/or deter them, the teacher walked in. He sighed; he had almost been looking forward to beating them. Unfortunately, the teacher saved them.

After class he got up and left the room hoping to get to his next class before "they" got to him. Sure enough, he succeeded.

The Bio Team looked at Kurama's seat hoping he hadn't left yet. Too late… he was gone. Then one of the boys named Sano Wesya noticed a notebook left behind.

"Hey, guys look at this!"

"What is it?" asked another one of the boys.

"Hey, it says 'My Planner' on it! I bet we can find a free day on here!" All three of the boys eagerly shook their heads. They opened it and nearly died of shock. "This…. Isn't a normal…. Planner…. is it?"

Sure enough the so-called planner had months and days and years….but the writing (if you could call it that) was anything but normal. Instead of letters, there were flowers, and many different types at that.

"It must be a type of code! We have to decode it! For the sake of girlfriends!!" All the boys were once again in agreement.

Meanwhile in a different part of the school, Kurama looked up from his book and at his watch. "They should have found 'it' by now. It will probably take them three w….no, a month to decode it. That means for a month I am going to be nerd-free!" he mumbled to himself. Kurama walked home much happier than he had been for a while.

The trio went over to Yuki Senzo's house and started decoding. They tried the first letter of all the flowers, no luck. Then they tried the first letter of the Latin names, still no luck. Then they tried the first letter of the taxonomic class, no bananas. Then it was the first letter of the genus, still no bananas. Then it was the second letter of each flower name, no dice. Then it was the third letter of the flower's name, still no dice…err… wait… yes I do believe they've got it!

They stared appalled at the schedule. Something had to be wrong with this picture.


	2. Kurama's Schedule

Kurama's Schedule:

Laundry Day was every Saturday

From September 1st to the 14th was the DARK tournament

Various trips to Demon World were listed, for various amounts of time

Randomly scattered throughout was bail Hiei out from his various crimes

September 15th had three hours of gardening with Genkai

Every Monday was dodge fan girls day

He also had read every book in the library every Tuesday

He pretended to study for an hour every day, while really trying to beat best Goblin King time of 6 minutes

He had arrows across the whole month saying avoid King Yama

He had an hour to do his hair every morning

Have a party w/ Yusuke and Demon gang on September 25th

Next day- CLEAN UP!!! September 26th thru 29th

Get Koenma to clear Kurama's name


	3. Reactions

Reactions:

"Is this… really right?" Kohaku Neko was in shock, staring at the completed 'translation' over Yuki's shoulder.

"This is the only thing that makes sense…" Yuki muttered. "Unless, of course, you think that POST Qwildopamd is right…"

Kohaku sighed deeply. After four weeks, this _had_ been the only thing that wasn't nonsense that they had gotten. "Remember, girlfriends are worth it…" he muttered to himself.

"Too true!" Yuki said happily. "But what IS all this stuff?" He glanced down the schedule. "I think we've gotta look some of this up. I swear, he's making some of this up… no one could possibly be this insanely busy!" He pointed out certain aspects of the schedule. "Hey, Sano, could you look up this Kurama thing? And, Kohaku, you find out what the DARK Tournament is…"

"And what are you doing?" Kohaku asked drily.

"Other than supervising?" Yuki replied, in an all-too-peppy voice for a guy. "Well, I was going to look up Demon World, but I already know what it is!"

"You do?"

"Of course! It's a new version of Dungeons and Dragons… it just came out! Funny, I would have never guessed Suichi would be one to play it… he seems way too down-to-earth. It's really great, though!"

"Right…" Kohaku had tuned the team leader out, and was rapidly typing away on his laptop. "Well… I've got two results. First hit's for some Academic Tournament in Luxemburg… the 'Decathalon of Academic and Rudimentary Knowledge." He clicked on the link, and a professional-looking website sprang up. "Huh, this looks kind of fun… Anyways, the other hit is for some illegal martial arts tournament. Yeah, I think that one's it…" he chuckled, imagining Suichi in a martial arts tournament. He wouldn't last a minute.

"No! The second hit, that's the one!" Sano exclaimed. "Look! Kurama is the name of some notorious fox thief, Yoko Kurama, who controls plants! Suichi's really a demon in disguise as a human!" He was gesturing towards his own laptop, which showed the picture of a man in all-white clothes, with fox ears and a long white tail. "They even look alike!"

"Er… yeah. Of course, Sano…" Kohaku said, exchanging slightly scared glances with Yuki. "Honestly, if it wasn't for the fact that he's one of the few at our school with some semblance of intelligence… I'd lock him up in an asylum in a minute." Yuki nodded fervently.

Once Yuki had gotten over the rather amusing mental picture of 'Suichi the Demon,' he continued to flip through their translation of Suichi's planner, finding the translation of what seemed to be a 'note' group of flowers. "What's this… 'walking with Hiei, mistaken for…" he gaped at the next few words, "mother and child?'"

"Isn't that the guy he was bailing out of jail?" Kohaku mused, a slightly disturbed look on his face. Yeah, Suichi DOES look like a girl, but 'mother and child'? That was taking it a bit too far.

"Of course!" Sano shouted. Yuki and Kohaku exchanged wary glances as the other boy continued, "They were probably partners! They're both demons, and they were stealing stuff, and…"

"Shut it, Sano, will you? You're kinda scaring me…" Kohaku said bluntly, before turning to Yuki. "There must be some REASONABLE" he stressed 'reasonable' as Sano opened his mouth, "explanation for this. We'll just ask Suichi about it tomorrow…"


	4. Flashback

FLASHBACK

"We did it!" Yuki said in his habitual cornering of Suichi at lunch. "We cracked your code!"

"A month. Exactly as I predicted…" Kurama muttered. "Of course, it only took me about a half an hour to rewrite my schedule with that code…"

"We know all about your double life as a demon!" Sano burst out.

"Oh?" Kurama didn't bat an eye, just sounded mildly amused. "Do tell…"

"Eh… ignore him, please," Kohaku said pleadingly. "We mostly do. What we really want to know about… what is it with this 'mistaken for mother and child' thing?" Amazingly enough, he said that with a perfectly straight face.

"Oh, that…" Kurama said, tilting his head slightly as he remembered what had happened.

_Koenma had told Kurama to keep an eye on Hiei for the first few days of his probation in human world. That, of course, was quite a bit of trouble, because it really wasn't easy to keep track of an extremely speedy, angry, short demon with a Jagan eye._

_So, Kurama was literally attached to Hiei, holding his wrist as tightly as possible, and hopefully keeping him away from his sword. They stopped as a particularly lovely bit of topiary caught Kurama's eye, with Hiei looking rather bored. This (somewhat) calm scene changed dramatically, however, as a young woman pushing a baby carriage noticed the pair._

_"Ah, ma'am, your child is so adorable! You're even holding his hand so he doesn't wander off! I'm not sure if colored contacts are good for a child that young, though…" she mused as she noticed Hiei's red eyes._

_Kurama's mouth opened in shock, and he unconsciously loosened his grip on Hiei's wrist._

_"I'm ADORABLE?!?" In a movement too quick for a human eye to see, Hiei had drawn his sword, preparing to rush the woman and behead her as soon as possible. Luckily, this unfortunate extension to Hiei's probation was prevented as Kurama grabbed both of his arms, pinning them behind his back._

_"My, he certainly is lively. You shouldn't let him play around with toys like that, though, they grow up only thinking of violence and horrible things like that!"_

_"Oh… I'll keep that in mind…" Kurama managed to grunt out, as all of his efforts were now concentrated on restraining the irate midget._

_With a final smile, the woman walked away, humming merrily, not realizing how close she had come to a premature death._

"… it was really nothing." Kurama sweat-dropped, wearing a slightly nervous smile at the memory.


	5. Biology Match Part I

The Biology Meet Part I

"Anyway, you have a free Saturday this upcoming weekend." Yuki chirped happily.

"Excluding your Laundry Day, of course." Kohaku added in a monotone.

Kurama sighed and gave in. "Okay, what time is it and where?"

"Jiwa High School at 4 o'clock. However we are going to be there at 3:30… pm of course." Kohaku answered.

"I hope you are a plant demon, we need one of those on our team." Sano exclaimed.

"You have no idea..." Kurama answered with a smirk on his face.

"See! Listen to him! That tone! That evil grin! I told you he was a demon!" Sano shouted at his teammates.

Everyone sweat-dropped.

The Day of the Match

Kurama walked into Jiwa High School precisely at 3:30. The one place he never wanted to be at, a biology match. He sighed and entered the classroom where it was suppose to take place. As he entered he saw the other team, and noticed someone familiar standing with them.

It was Keiko. Kurama quickly scanned the crowd to see if Yuusuke was there. Sure enough there he was sitting in the back row with Kuwabara. Kurama sighed, he was never was going to live this one down. And since anything was better than hanging with his teammates he went over to Yuusuke and Kuwabara and started chatting. His biology teammates were looking at him in surprise, but before they had a chance to question him, the moderator announced the start of the match. The teams took their respective spots.

When Keiko looked over at the newcomer in the room she was surprised. It was Kurama. If he was here it didn't bode well for her team at all. What was he doing here anyway? When she saw him go over and talk to Yuusuke and Kuwabara she was relieved. Maybe he was just here to cheer on his school. But her hopes soon plummeted as Kurama joined the other team.

After the first round Kurama's team was losing to Keiko's team 45-5. Kurama looked bored (he had been absentmindedly playing with a Rubik's cube the whole time), and Keiko was amazed that her team was winning. But she knew it probably wouldn't last.

The moderator called a 5 minute intermission. Immediately after there was the sound of a cell phone ringing…


	6. You Have Once Call

"You Have One Phone Call…"

Hiei was not happy. At all.

Here he was, locked up in a Spirit World jail, and the guy across from him seemed to have a fondness for short jokes. Combined with the guards wondering if they should make him cut his hair (it could be considered a weapon, according to them), they truly knew how to torture someone in this place.

And they took away his sword. (Which, strangely enough, the guards agreed WAS a weapon.)

"'Ey, you!" One of the guards shouted at the hampster-legged demon. "You get one phone call… guess we shoulda told you that before, huh?" He chuckled, and Hiei's eyes lit up at this thought. If they let him out of his cell, he'd be free. If he was free, he'd get back his sword. And if he got back his sword, he could kill everyone! What a happy thought.

"Don't even think about doin' anything funny. You'd be caught in a minute… again," another of the guards stated, noticing the slightly crazed look on Hiei's face. "Anyway, you get to call one person, but it's the only call you get, so I wouldn't waste it."

Slightly disappointed by the lack of opportunity to kill, Hiei thought carefully about who to call… and just thinking at all was an accomplishment for Hiei. Yuusuke? _He'd just laugh._ Kuwabara? _ Hell no_. He shuddered slightly at the very thought of being rescued by Kuwabara. Genkai? _Does she even have a phone?_ Koenma? _He put me in here! Add another one to the hit list._ Kurama? _Well… better than any of the other idiots._

He picked up the phone, and paused. What was his phone number, anyways? Suddenly, the third eye on his forehead opened, and Hiei could see human world. It took him a few seconds to find Kurama, and he paused for a second to muse on what he was doing with such pathetic-looking humans, then saw the cell phone… his only chance to get out… and kill people again!

He got the cell phone number and dialed, cursing the slow phone system. Of couse, it probably didn't help that they were in entirely different dimensions…

"Hello?" Kurama's voice came over the prison phone, and Hiei practically exploded.

"GET ME OUT OF HERE!!" He demanded, some of his demonic energy starting flames around him.

"You know… this isn't the best time," Kurama stated calmly. "And may I ask where 'here' is?"

"I'M IN SPIRIT WORLD JAIL!"

"That's unfortunate…"

"YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT IT'S UNFORTUNATE! NOW GET ME OUT!"

"Well… I'm sorry… I have a prior engagement that I must attend to at the moment…" Kurama's voice cut off, and Hiei heard the sound of scuffles in the background. All of a sudden Yusuke's voice came through the phone.

"You got locked up? That's hilarious!" The Spirit Detective sounded quite gleeful at the idea.

"You know, you're just going to make him even more angry… and the whole room can already hear everything he says," Kurama said softly in the background.

"SHUT UP, URAMESHI!" Hiei growled. "Someone just GET – ME – OUT!"

Very faintly, Hiei could hear, "All right, five minute break is over. Teams, back to your tables…"

Suddenly, Kurama was back on the phone. "Well, I'm sorry… I must go. I'll try to figure out something, but just be patient for a little while."

"WHAT? You are NOT leaving…

" the click of a phone hanging up interrupted what promised to be another long, angry monologue of Hiei's cursing.

"Well, kid…"

"I AM NOT A KID!"

"Either way that was your only call. Back to your cell!" The guard sounded quite cheery as he dragged a flaming Hiei back to his cell.


	7. Biology Match Part II

Biology Match Part II

The teams settled back into their respective spots and the moderator seeing that everyone was there began reading for the packet once again. "This section will be on plants. A max of 50 points will be available so, everyone has a chance. This will be played as a lightning round, so have your buzzers ready."

At the word plants, suddenly the Rubik Cube was done and Suichi's hand was on the buzzer. Almost to fast for the eye to catch, this drew several gasps form the team, for they all thought that they had lost. However, the fact that Suichi was now interested brought some small spark of hope back.

"Look at that superhuman speed! The mention of plants! Begone, devil that is Yoko Kurama!" Sano screamed, crossing his fingers in an attempt to 'ward off' Suichi.

Kurama merely looked at everyone else and shrugged. Then turned his attention back to the match. The moderator was saying, "Name the female parts of an angiosperm." Buzzzz. "Yes, team B"

"The pistil, or more recently called the carpel."

"Correct. Next question is name the male part of the flower that hold up the pollen." Buzzzz. "Team B."

"The anther."

"Correct again." The match proceeded on in such a manner, all of Keiko's teammates had stopped trying to answer, except for their plant expert who was desperately trying to beat Kurama to the buzzer. Keiko had put her buzzer down at the mentions of plants and was aware that they had lost. "Guys you know that we are going to lose, right?"

"No we are not going to lose, we have to much of a head start."

"It is better to accept defeat gracefully, that guy knows everything there is to know about plants. I know that, because he and my…boyfriend are good friends."

"YOU have a BOYfriend!! I refuse to lose to that wanna-be wimp, this is his first match, you can tell because of how much he looks like he doesn't want to be here. I refuse to lose." Hana, the team's plant expert, said defiantly.

Keiko just sighed, she had seen Yuusuke walk out the door, as soon as the point availability and the word plants was mentioned, he knew as much as she did that they would lose. Actually she had been surprised that they were winning for the fist few rounds, but that had all changed.

Meanwhile it had gotten to the point where the moderator would say one or two words and Kurama would buzz in, giving Hana no time to figure out the question and respond. After all beating a plant demon at his own game is impossible.


	8. Epilogue

Epilogue

The matched ended with a score of 55-45 Kurama's team won. Keiko sighed and turned to her teammates to congratulate them. Just as she did that, she noticed that they were talking amongst themselves. As she listened she heard them saying something about how Kurama must have been cheating. "Don't bother you guys. Ku…Suichi wouldn't cheat at this sort of thing."

Hana replied, "How would you know? You are probably just covering up for him since he is your friend!" The rest of the team nodded in agreement. They went over to talk to the moderator and told him their suspicions. As he listened to them he nodded knowingly. He then went over to where Kurama was standing with his teammates congratulating him.

"Mr. Minamino, the other team has accused you of cheating… I must agree with them, there seems to be no way for you to know the questions before hand, so unless you can demonstrate that you did not cheat… you will have to give up your win."

"I understand. What do you want me to do?" Kurama replied.

"Um… sir, how about you take him outside and have him tell you all about the plants that are out there?" Keiko suggested.

"Seems like a sound idea to me. Let's go."

The whole audience wanted to see what would happen. Almost all of them figured that he was cheating, and they wanted to see him stumble over some simple fact. The moderator lead them to the school's garden. He pointed at a yellow rose, "tell me everything you can about this species of plant."

Kurama nodded showing that he understood. Most of the audience smirked. "The shurb rose is useful as specimens in shrubberies or as medium to tall hedges. Many shrub rose varieties serve as excellent porch borders. Prune shrub roses in late winter or very early spring. For a more restrained form, cut them back to about 2-feet. Otherwise, many varieties will truly grow in to good sized shrubs. Most shrub roses perform best with a minimum of six hours of sun, in a well-drained soil with monthly feedings March through August. The Latin name for the shrub rose is Rosa Hugonis. Do you want me to carry on, or is that good?" Kurama asked.

"No…no that is good. But I am amazed, even I didn't know half of that stuff…." The moderator drifted off into lala land.

Meanwhile the audience had all face-faulted. With the exception of Keiko, she knew what would happen. She just sighed. She turned to her teammates again. "I told you not to do that, now we look like the bad guys!" She sighed and walked away. As she exited the school she saw Yuusuke, she ran up to him. "We lost. So you wanna go out for ice cream." Yuusuke just smiled and walked towards the nearest ice cream shop. They walked on into the sunset talking… suddenly there was a scream of "YUUSUKE!" and the sound of a hand hitting a face. I never said it was peaceful..

Kurama's teammates gathered around him, once again smothering him. After he had declined a celebration he headed home. He had a feeling that he was forgetting something… he shrugged it off nothing that it was probably nothing.

That nagging feeling just so happened to be a certain little fire demon. Right now he was sitting in his cell smoldering with rage. The guards were getting nervous and decided to shave Hiei's head just to be on the safe side. However, one look at the fire demon was enough to scare even Spirit World's most battle hardened warrior. Hiei had commenced shouting death threats to his former comrades. "I AM GOING TO KILL YOU KURAMA! ESPECIALLY YOU SPIRIT DETECTIVE!! I ALWAYS WANTED TO KILL YOU KUWABARA! I SWEAR KOEMA WHEN I GET OUT OF HERE NOT EVEN YOUR PACIFER WILL BE LEFT!!!" All of the guards promptly took a step back.

Author's note

the information about shrub roses came from a search on google. Please do not kill if the info is not correct. I have a limited knowledge when it comes to flowers….


End file.
